Brilliant letter

Here I reproduce a letter to the Editor in today's Irish Independent:

AFTER READING and listening about Ryanair and their charges I decided to open a barbershop and call it Ryan-Hair.

I will determine the price of haircut by the following criteria.

First of all, the charge for the haircut will be only €0.01 with a few other charges.

If you want to sit while getting your haircut it will cost you €4.00 to get in the chair and €4.00 to get out.

If you decide to stand during the haircut there is a priority charge of €10.00.

If you want your hair washed it will cost you €4.00 for cold water or €6.00 for hot water and if you want it dried add €4.00 more.

If you want to sit inside the barbershop while waiting for an open chair it will cost you €2.00 sit-down charge.

If you bring shopping bags with you, it will cost €1.50 per bag when you enter and €1.50 when you leave.

Other charges include VAT at 13.5pc, a service charge of 10pc, €2.50 for credit card charge and last charge will be for €3.00 for hidden charges such as the use of the loo, one cup of coffee or tea, depreciation on clippers and combs, shampoo and conditioner.

Terms and Conditions: Hair cannot be more than 4 inches long; Check-in times for haircut at least 20 minutes before appointment; Seating is not assigned, first come first serve.

Kevin Devitte, Westport, Co. Mayo.

Two more Irish blogs

I can't believe I hadn't spotted these earlier.

One, It's All Straw, is by a layman, Niall.

The other, The Wild and Windy West, is by Fr. Leonard Taylor.

I am happy to add both to the blogroll on the sidebar.

Man Discovers His Inner Elf

What's the strangest aspect of this story? His defence argument, or the fact that two members of the jury apparently believed it?

A man who dressed up as Buho, a female elf, has been convicted by a jury at
Belfast Crown Court of taking underwear from a shop in a knifepoint raid.

Robert Boyd, 45, from Broadlands in Carrickfergus, held up staff at the
Orchid shop in Belfast disguised in a wig, hat and glasses.

Full story here.

Ireland's first Moving Statue!

About fifteen years ago, Ireland was taken over by a new phenomenon - moving statues of the Virgin Mary! The main destination for moving statue fans became the village of Ballinspittle, in County Cork, which is a few miles west of Kinsale.

But that wasn't the first; in fact, the first statue movement happened on this day, March 8th, 1966, when a statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson in O'Connell Street, Dublin, moved.

In fact, Nelson's Pillar was blown up by a bomb. The full story is here.

Actually, the first bomb blew off the top half of the Column; after that, our Army was brought in to destroy the remainder of the Column by a so-called "controlled explosion". People tell me that the second bomb actually did more damage to O'Connell St than the first. I have heard that the rubble was used to build tennis courts in Raheny.

Because nobody was hurt, the whole events are remembered with typical Dublin good humour. It inspired a song which topped the Irish charts, and here are the lyrics:

To the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic".

Chorus:

Up went Nelson in old Dublin,

Up went Nelson in old Dublin,

All along O'Connell Street the stones and rubble flew,

As up went Nelson and the pillar too.

One early morning in the year of 'sixty six,

A band of Irish laddies were knocking up some tricks,

They thought Horatio Nelson had overstayed a mite,

So they helped him on his way with some sticks of gelignite.

(Repeat chorus)

The Irish population came from miles around,

To see the English hero lying on the ground,

The Dublin Corporation had no funds to have it done,

With the pillar blew to pieces by the tonne, tonne, tonne.

(Repeat chorus)

A crowd of lads and lassies from a dance nearby came out,

To see the bits of Nelson scattered all about,

A gossoon from the Coombe says we'll have to have a care,

In case the Corporation put King Billy there.

(Repeat chorus)

(Note that although I am posting this, I do not condone acts of violence!)